Remember When?
by M i s s. CANDYcancer
Summary: Dib sits on the other side of the door. He's yelling for me to let him in. I can't. I sit. I cry, I wait... And I hate him for it. -Gaz's POV- :For Yasha: (One-shot, unless asked to continue)


Soru: Well hey everybody, my first Zim fic... no... no not really I acctually have two more but they aren't saved on this computer they're at my Dad's house... O.O... eh anyhoo, I wrote this while Listening to Zombie by the Cranberries... 

So yea...

Well I'm not sure if this fic will even go anywhere, it was spontanious really...

Oh and Hey Yasha, I hope you like this, it's a dedication fic to you!

So this is For Yasha, no one else even needs to bother reviewing... And yea, no flames either if you do bother reviewing.

I don't own Invader Zim... Jhonen Vasquez does... -sigh- what a genuis... That man is God... BOW BEFORE HIM ALL OF YOU! BOW!

My Gir otaku mascot will keep me company while writing this...

Can't believe I'm actually going to post this... I in no way plan to continue unless anyone would take the time to review and ask to continue, and I know this is VERY ooc but I don't care... I'm gonna go watch my IZ dvd's now...

ENJOY!

* * *

I sit against the door, tears spilling over my face as Dib pounds on the door, screaming at me to let him in. I hug a rubber pig I recieved from Gir tight against my chest and supress Dib's angry shouts from reaching my ears. My body racks with sobs as reason becomes rancid within the depths of my mind.

"GAZ OPEN THE DOOR! TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON!"

"I DON'T WANT TO DIB!" I scream as more tears cascade down my face. Why does it have to be this way? Why does life always have to fucking screw you over.

"GAZ WHERE IS DAD?" Dib pounds on the door it beats against my back. I don't want to tell him. I don't want to hurt Dib more than he already is, he's my big brother. Only by one year, but he's still my brother.

And I love him.

He's supposed to be looking out for me...

How come I'm the one who's always looking out for him?

Dib is always picked on, beat up by Tourqe. Always called a freak, or a weirdo, when HE'S the one trying to save thoes pathetic losers we like to call the human race!

Even though I know Zim is an alein... even though I know Zim couldn't do a damn thing to the earth, even though I don't really care either way... I still hate it for him.

And so he comes home to the exact same thing, the abuse. When Dib comes home, he's always ignored, he comes home blood dripping down his face he wears a cold hard stare.

That's how he is now.

Him and his stupid big head.

He's 17 and I'm 16. For the past years Dad when from neglectful to abusive. Dib can't help it if he's a weirdo...

And I can't help it if I'm a screw up...

We would always get weird stares from the other students when we come to school, me with a black eye and broken heart, and Dib with a dislocated shoulder and cut face.

But not anymore...

Dib dropped out.

What did we do?

We hated him so much. We hated him to the point of not even feeling it when he hit us. We hated him to the point of not even noticing when he was gone.

Soon Dib grew up, he turned seventeen, now when Dad hits, he hits back...

So that just leaves me...

Dib's never home any more to stand up for me, always off fighting Zim. I can kick ass, but not my fathers. I'm afraid of him...

Dib may not be.

But I am. I freeze when he comes home. I'm not sure why. I'm never scared, but I am with Dad...

I hated him...

More tears come to my eyes.

But he was still my Daddy...

"Gaz, OPEN THE DOOR!... Please, gaz!"

I rock back and forth, the tears don't cease to flow from my now redend eyes.

Two Weeks ago, I had finally had it with Dad...

A life of neglect, and five years of my own sanity lying to me about the control of what I once had...

He walked in on me in my room.

-Two weeks ago- Gaz POV

I sit on the floor holding one side of my face staring blankly at the floor as the pain numbed away. I slowly try to convince myself it's all in my head... but it's not I reach in my bag and pull out a shiny metal blade. I rolled up my sleeve revealing battles I've fought...

and won...

to a certain extent.

In myflesh I carved in jagged words, 'I'M OKAY' Blood seeped out of the lasarations and onto the floor. My body was my playground for my blade to play upon. My arms were dripping in a red coating filled with cuts and symbols, stars, and words with a lost meaning.

It danced upon my legs as the blood cried for me.

I was thrown out of my world when I heard a knock on the door...

"Gazzy..." I heard my father say through the door.

"Dad?" I whispered. I went into a a state of panick, I went light headed (Well, more than I already was) and scrambled around searching for a bandage, something to stop the bleeding.

Too much, Too much, ALL TOO MUCH!

"i"M coming in now Gaz." said Dr. Membrane. He walked in and was shocked...

His daughter...

On the floor.

With a...

"GAZ!" He yelled.

Gaz's fear and sorrow turned to pure rage...

Enough...

All of it...

Was enough.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT DAD?" She yelled standing up.

"Gaz you're arms... your legs... they're-"

"YEA, DAD THEY'RE FUCKING BLEEDING I REALIZED THAT!"

"How..." He backed up not epecting it...

not believing it...

"HOW DO THINK DAD? HOW ELSE! I TOOK A BLADE" she picked up her razor off of the floor and held it to her arm, "AND I -CUT- MYSELF! I HURT MYSELF, Daddy Dearest" She spat thoes last words like venom, "AND IT DIDN'T HURT. IT DIDN'T HURT BECAUSE I'M USED TO PAIN DAD! I'M USED TO PAIN. I FEEL IT EVERY FUCKING DAY DAD! I FEEL IT WHEN YOU HIT ME! I FEEL IT WHEN YOU IGNORE ME, I FEEL IT WHEN IT'S BEEN FIFTEEN FUCKING YEARS SINCE YOU'VE SAID I LOVE YOU! I FELT IT WHEN MOM KILLED HERSELF, AND IT WAS YOUR FAULT, AND YOU DIDN'T CARE DAD! YOU DIDN'T CARE!" She screamed slashing her arms infront of him.

"Gaz, It wasn't my faul-"

"IT'S NEVER YOUR FAULT DAD! NEVER! I GUESS IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT WHEN DIB TOOK UP DRUGS, AND STARTED DRINKING! I GUESS IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT HE COMES HOME SMELLING LIKE BROKEN BEER BOTTLES AND POT! HE GOT BEAT EVERYDAY FATHR! WHY ELSE WOULD HE BE BLEEDING WHEN HE GOT HOME AND AS IF IT WASN'T ENOUGH FROM THEM HE GOT IT FROM YOU! WHY DO YOU THINK HE'S ALWAYS GONE DAD?

HUH? DID YOU NOT SEE HE DROPPED OUT OF SCHOOL AT FUCKING FIFTEEN TO PAY THE BILLS SO I COULD FUCKING STAY ALIVE?" When she recieved no response she kept going.

"I GUESS IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT WHEN WE WENT WEEKS LIVING OFF OF BARELY ANY FOOD BECAUSE YOU WOULDN'T PAY ONE GOD DAMNED MOMENTS NOTICE TO THE FACT THAT WE WERE STARVING OUR ASSES OFF! I GUESS IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT THAT-"

She was cut off when her Dad said in a Dangorus voice. "Stop it Gaz..."

"NO!" She then went for her thighs, no longer scared of what he could do to her "I'M GONNA KEEP GOING LIKE YOU DID DAD! I'M NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO YOU LIKE YOU DID! IT'S NOT GONNA STOP, IT NEVER STOPPED! NEVER! WHY DIDN"T IT STOP DAD?"

"Gaz... you're bleeding." He said helplessly.

"Just hit me, Dad... JUST HIT ME LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO! DRIVE ME OVER THE EDGE DAD! DRIVE ME TO HURTMYSELF!"

"No..."

"Cause it's not gonna stop Dad..." Gaz said menacingly dropping the blade, "It never stops... not with Mom, not with Dib... not with anyone but you..."

She aproched him causing him to back away until he was out the door.

"You killed us Dad..." She said with no tone in her voice, "We're dead..."

"No Gaz..."

She clutched the door knob, "I hate you Dr. Membrane...

Go to hell.

Die for all I fucking care."

She slammed the door in his face...

The last thing she saw before dirfting off to sleep was the lights of her fathers car leaving the drive way.

- earlier- 3rd POV-

Dib was finally back. He had noticed how the house was untouched. He had been gone for 2 weeks...

Things were not as they should be. He found the source of his problem when he saw a note on the kitchen table.

"Family,

I love you... I just never showed it. I won't be coming back, Dib take care of Gazzy...

She needs it.

I'm sorry I was never there.

P.S. There's a check on the table... eat for once."

He looked father down and scribbled out was Dr. Membrane, next to it was "Dad."

His eyes filled with fear... Dad was go-.

He was thrown out of his thoughts when he thought of Gaz, the date on the note was old, Gaz must have been alone for a long time.

He thought back to the letter...

Take care of Gazzy... she needs it.

What the hell was going on?

-present- Gaz POV-

I feebly hold my arms, they hurt so much...

I hurts so much...

Nothing to eat...

I'm so tired of tears...

So tired of it...

No Dib, no Dad...

I miss my brother.

Despite my pride I threw open the door, I flung my body into my brother's arms.

I told him the whole story, well, not all of it.

Dad leaving hurt him, and I knew it would hurt him even more to know what I did to myself...

He couldn't know...

He hugged me unitl morning, and odd moment between brother and sister only to be lost in the hopeless sea of lonliness and dispar around us...

He told me it was okay...

We would be ok...

Some how I didn't believe him...

I just didn't know...

Then again I never really did know in the first place.


End file.
